I think most of us can agree – moving sucks. so how do you make moving suck less? we will get to that in a minute but let’s set up why it sucks in the first place. i believe moving utilizes a certain muscle in the brain that doesn’t get used very often. this can effect people in two different ways. take my husband for example – when his ‘moving muscle’ becomes engaged in him he launches into action and sees moving as a type of ‘cleansing.’ he can easily part with almost all material things, he wants to downsize, and he has the realization that the minimalist life is for him.
I fall into the second category. my ‘moving muscle’ freaks the hell out. it has atrophied and can barely function, resulting in me going into survival mode and wanting to hoard every little thing. no joke that i have a small little baggie of colorful paperclips that i keep on my desk in the ‘i’ll-probably-keep-these-so-don’t-even-ask-me-to-get-rid-of-them-how-dare-you!” pile. how many paperclips i have honestly used in the past 365 days? zero. none.
I have painted this picture for you because moving is not the most harmonious time in our marriage, especially when moving states. actually, come to think of it, my husband and i have never moved apartments in the same city – our moves are always big moves to different states.
so today, here are 3 tips to make moving suck less with your spouse:
1) Go through your things separately
Seriously, this is a relationship saver. while i was going through what clothes to keep, give away or try to sell, my husband was in our office going through his things there. we have made this fatal error in the past of sorting through things together and sure, it starts out innocent enough. you are giggling together, both trying on clothes that clearly don’t fit and high-fiving periodically about how easy all of this is!
*note about the above photo – this was everything in my closet. someday i will share with you how i cut out 3/4 of it and don’t miss it.
Then it happens. you ask your husband’s opinion if you should keep the long black dress you got when you were 14 and he says “ummm set that free!” to which all you hear is “you have horrible taste, burn that dress and you are never to be trusted to clothe yourself again!” (remember, my moving muscle has atrophied).
Or, you casually walk by his pile of “giveaway clothes” and spot his favorite orange pullover sweater. you pull it out of the stack of clothes and say, “you’re not really giving this away, are you?!” to which he replies, “yes, someone else can enjoy it now.” this somehow ends in tears insisting on the fact you fell in love with him while he was wearing his favorite orange pullover and how dare he even consider giving it away!
Go through your things separately and save all of your bargaining and bartering for communally owned things in the living room and kitchen. trust me, you’ll need it.
2) Take a breather
You can only take a breather if you don’t save all of your packing for the night before the move, so ensure that is happening. it’s easy to get caught up in the craziness of moving because your cute home gets all disheveled and it’s an outward display of just how much crap you have.
Take a breather and ensure proper hydration and nutrition because “hanger” manifests itself ten-fold when you mix it with moving. we are shoving all of our boxes in the corner of our office and the corner of our living room so there is at least slight order to the chaos. it’s fine to take a breather, eat some chips and just sigh.
3) Reminisce together
After you have gone through your things separately and taken lots of breathers, make time to reminisce together. let’s define what i mean by “reminisce.” this means look at sweet photos of the two of you together or from when you were a little lad and a little lass. it means looking at artwork in your home and laughing about how getting your favorite painting from an artist in thailand was less expensive than it was to get it framed.
‘Reminiscing’ does not include holding up odds and ends and saying “SEE! i told you you would never ever use this!” and it does not include bringing up arguments from the past. moving is a stressful life event so tame your brain and don’t let yourself go there.
If you are moving away from the city you currently live in, go for lots of walks and look out the window a lot to appreciate where you are and what you’ve had for the past few years. how i will miss this view from our living room window.
Bonus tip: or have your spouse travel the week before you move so you end up packing most everything. instead of being resentful, reframe it to realize that now you can hoard whatever your atrophied moving muscle damn well pleases while watching the west wing! muwahahah…
Which type of mover are you? do you find the process cleansing and good or do you tend to freak out and want to save everything?
ps. last day to nab some of my jewelry i’m setting free! there are still a few pieces left so check them out! thank you ladies who have already ordered – they are shipping out tomorrow.
pps. remember that friday is “tell me something good!” and boy do i have a ‘let me check myself before i wreck myself’ story to share with you.